i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
