I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
