I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
