Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
