Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
