woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
