shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
