Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
