i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Randomize
