All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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