Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
