I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
not ubering you a puppy
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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