i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
