Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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