Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
