we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
