Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
