you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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