it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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