I am puke
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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