McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
