There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
