My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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