he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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