ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
