i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
