this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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