Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
