I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
