Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
