I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
