Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
