I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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