Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
