the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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