I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
