cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
