I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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