i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
