u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
