i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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