Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
