No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We need a shit load of segways right now
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
