So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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