i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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