I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
