Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
time to smoke my breakfast
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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