i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
