Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
