I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
