I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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