that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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