I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
