My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
