She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just gift wrapped bread.
He passed out mid-signature
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
