Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
