Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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