And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
