i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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