Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
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