This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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