Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
