Plan B is the new Plan A
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
